Monday, May 18, 2009

Baby Smiles and Momma Trials

Today started out with my first real smiles from little Rowan. What a blessing to receive this morning :-) She is five weeks now and more alert and looking around at her surroundings. I just love watching her.

Above is a picture of my hubby, Dan, and Rowan. I have a picture of him with each of our children in this general pose and I just love it :-) We didn't get it right away but I am so thankful I did with Rowan as well. There is just something special about him gazing down at his newest blessing.

Although my day began sweetly, I soon found myself sinning horribly with my attitude. Everything was getting to me. School started late, Liam was interrupting a lot during our reading time for Bible and History, the girls were bickering and Rowan was crying. It would be an understatement to say I was frustrated.

I lost my cool and not only in the morning, but in the afternoon as well! Sigh....I had to apologize twice to my children for my sinful response. When I raise my voice or respond sharply...I feel so bad. It is no wonder my children respond so :-( It is so hard to be Christlike each day...and yet I know I must try to show the example for my littles.

I am struggling right now with much stress and exhaustion. We are dealing with disrespectful attitudes and disobedience from the elder set and my little man is struggling with night terrors. Unfortunately, all this is causing me to respond badly and I am praying for God's strength and help...I sooooo need it!

I must say though, that my children's laughter and smiles(like Liam above), kisses and hugs snap me back and also give me a good reason to keep pressing on and trying to become the woman/wife/mother God would have me be. That is the joy I need to remember when I am frustrated and overwhelmed.

I sit here now, writing this post, greatly desiring to be a good mother and having less of the irritable attitude I find myself struggling with. I look at the face of my newest little one(isn't she so very darling?) and feel a great weight and responsibility. I feel that I do not want to look back and only see sorrow or bitterness. I don't want my children to see that either. I want them to look back on their childhood and see more joy and affection, more love and gentleness.

Lord I pray that you fill me with a right heart! Give me gentleness and joy. Make me the mother you would have me be! I know that with you Lord, I can change...but I can not do it myself! Lift me up Lord and work in me!

Thank you for listening(if you got this far) to my crying out and if you feel led please pray for me.



Mama Hen said...

I will pray for you Sommer. It is hard. There is nothing easy about God sanctifying us to be like Him. We are new creatures in Him, but we still deal with our old flesh so much. Just the fact that you see your need for Jesus daily tells me you desire to be more Christlike. Just run to Him over everything, He wants you to. Cling to the Cross and to His Gospel for your sanctification, just as you do for your salvation. I will also pray you will be able to sleep better tonight. Being exhausted makes everything worse.

Simply Heart And Home said...

Sweet Sommer,

I will pray for you. I have been in your shoes and it doesn't seem so long ago. Take comfort that in spite of our mistakes/sinful nature, God does gracefully work in our homes and lives. Bad days just make the good ones shine so much more lovelier.



Sarah Jane said...

Dearest Sommer, I feel what you are going through since I so often experience the same thing. It is so easy to loose our focus on Christ, even for the briefest instant, and in that instant irrepairable damage can be done! :(

Dear Father, I pray for your sweet servant, Sommer, and for myself, and for all mothers who are going through this. Please give us the peace and grace only You can provide and fill us with Your perfect understanding and wisdom as we guide our little ones to see You. Please give us reassurances every day that You are here with us, that You are loving and helping us, and give us the eyes to see those reassurances as so often we are blind to them. Thank you for what You are doing in our lives and for making beautiful things. Thank you for our sweet children and for the blessing of them in our lives - how lonely we would be without them! Thank you for giving us this great work and for helping us grow and to lean more on You as we carry out Your will. In Jesus name, Amen.

Miss Jen said...

Dearest Sommer,
*Hugs* The words of Isaiah 40:31 come to mind....

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

What a blessing to know that we serve such a faithful God, who never forsakes us and who gives us strength to "run and not be weary and to walk and not be faint!"

Love & Blessings~ Jen

Shannon said...

Sommer, I will certainly be praying for you! Your children are so blessed to have a mother who loves them, cares for them, and wants to model the love of Christ for them! May God bless you and your little ones today!

Love in Christ,

Deborah said...

Sommer, I know exactly how you feel! I've been there many times too! It's hard work this mom thing, but oh such blessings too!! I will keep you in my prayers!